Three Clarity Traps Most 0f Us Fall Into.

Summer is winding down. Kids are heading back to school. Routines are coming back online. The vacations and out-of-school schedules that let you set some things aside are giving way to a season that asks you to face them again.

I'm feeling the pinch of routines that are starting back up, questioning if I want all of them back, and thinking about what needs to change. Every season brings a chance for reflection and an opportunity to reassess. And with them, new crossroads appear that require new decisions.

Last week I asked you to name the crossroads you are standing at right now. The shift into fall may be surfacing new ones too. This week I want to examine why clarity at any of them can be so hard to come by.

You know the pattern. You make decisions for everyone else all day. You give your own decisions the leftover space between calls, on the drive home, while you are folding laundry. And you wonder why the clarity you need most is the clarity you cannot seem to reach.

There is a name for the place you land when this happens. A friend of mine introduced me to a phrase that captures it perfectly: the Valley of Indecision. It is the space where you are frozen at the crossroads and cannot see which direction is right, because you have not had the time or the conditions to think it through.

In my own life, I've found three things routinely happen when I'm facing a valley of indecision.

All three are clarity traps. All three erode your confidence over time.

When we are faced with a lack of clarity and are frozen in the valley of indecision, it's oh so tempting to think less of ourselves. To become self critical and frustrated. The “why can't I figure this out” mantra takes up residence and the lack of clarity feels like a crisis. But here's what I know to be true.👇

It is what happens when a woman with both is trying to think her way through her own life without the conditions that would make clear thinking possible. The way out is not more thinking. It is different conditions, patience with ourselves, and the distance perspective provides.

So if you, like me, struggle with a lack of confidence and clarity when facing a crossroads, take a step back. Emotional distance is often the only way to start seeing clearly again. Gaining a different and more distant perspective is almost always the best way forward. 

My goal for the newsletter this week is to recognize where we are with respect to the valley of indecision. Navigating through works best if you know where are starting from. Next week, we'll dig more deeply into the value of perspective and how to achieve it.

For now, simply identify where you are in the process. Which of the three things above have you experienced?

🤏TINY TWEEK Challenge

Look at the crossroads you named last week. Which of the three clarity traps is closest to what you have been doing with it? Deciding too fast. Deciding nothing. Deciding and then remaking. You don’t have to change anything. Just name which one it is.